she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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