I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
birth control should be required to get into college
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
