An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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