I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
