the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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