Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
