So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
