I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
