i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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