i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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