I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
someone owes me an orgasm
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
