I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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