She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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