i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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