My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
