Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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