question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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