3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
