I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Two words: blizzard sex
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
