So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
