Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
