Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
