This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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