Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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