my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
