i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
