Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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