i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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