If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
