your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
