She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
