his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
