My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
