Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
