why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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