No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
