What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
