dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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