When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
