I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
