no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
