I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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