Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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