I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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