thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
