It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
