My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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