I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
