I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
