Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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