just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks