Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.