in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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