Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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