Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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