If i come over, it means nothing
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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