You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
