why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
