i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
