guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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