is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
