i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
