my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
