there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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