Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
