Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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