he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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