u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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