if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
