i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
