Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
