I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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