I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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