We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
