I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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